Wrap it up

Customer: I have a complaint; I had a frozen flatbread yesterday.

Employee: Ok, I won’t charge you for one of your flatbreads today.

Customer: You would make a good business manager. That was an excellent way to handle the situation.

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Customer: Do cream and sugar come with a French vanilla iced coffee?

Employee: No, you have to pay extra….just kidding!

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Customer (through drive-thru): Oh, god…oh, god…

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Customer: Do ya’ll sell any beer?

Employee: No, we sell doughnuts and ice cream…

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Employee: Welcome to Dunkin Donuts. What can I get for you today?

Customer (in drive-thru): Ugh, hold on a minute.

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Customer: What do you mean you’re out of doughnuts?

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Customer: Does it cost more to make the dozen assorted?

Employee: No, no doughnut costs more than another.

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Customer: I want the barvarian cream doughnut.

Employee: You must mean Bavarian.

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Customer (in drive-thru): Can I get two ham, egg and cheese sandwiches on croissants? Then ham and cheese on croissant. Then ham, egg and cheese on a wheat bagel, toasted. Then a ham and cheese on a wheat bagel, not toasted….and a large cappuccino blast.

Smorgasbord

Customer: Where do you keep your doughnuts?

Employee: In the store…?

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Customer: How do I put a straw in this?

Employee: The hot latte lids aren’t meant to have straws in them…but if you insist, there is a hole.
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Employee: Are you getting a dozen doughnuts?

Customer: Yes, six in one box…and six in another.

Employee: We have one box for a full dozen…

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Customer: Is your iced coffee brewed on ice?

Employee: It’s made with ice, yes.

Customer: Well, like, does it have hot coffee or is it chilled?

Employee: No, it’s not hot. It’s made with ice.

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Customer: I want the doughnut that is chocolate and tastes like a cupcake.

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Customer: I’m getting 75 munchkins. I get a bulk discount, right? I work at a poverty center and always buy things for the children…but I’m not rich.

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Employee: Did you say you wanted a sugar jelly doughnut?

Customer: Yes, you can put a lot of sugar in the coffee.

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Customer: Can I get eight dozen?

Employee: So you’re getting $62 worth of doughnuts?

Customer: No, I want eight dozen…12 doughnuts.

Employee: That’s one dozen.

Customer: Oh yeah. That’s what I meant.

Employee: Ok, we were confused.

Customer: Do I get a free doughnut, like a Baker’s Dozen, for getting the first dozen?

Employee: Um, no.

Customer: Oh, some places do that.

I Scream

Customer: How much are the cakes?

Employee: The prices are listed on each cake.

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Customer: Will your cake decorator bring the cakes to this store?

Employee: Yes.

Customer: I don’t want to have to drive to Statesville to get my cake.

Employee: You don’t have to.

Customer: Do you know if she is on vacation?

Employee: No, I don’t know. She works in Statesville.

Customer: They’re both Dunkin Donuts stores, right?

Employee: Yes.

Customer: And you don’t know if she’s on vacation?

Employee: No, I don’t know her schedule. We work at different stores.

Customer: You need to change your cake ordering policy.

Employee: I am not a manager or a shift leader. My job is to serve you doughnuts and coffee.

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Customer: $4.26 for two scoops of ice cream? When I was young, that was 10 cents!!

Employee: Well, now you are paying for brand-name ice cream.

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Customer: I came through here a few hours ago and ordered a berry pomegranate fruit blast smoothie. When I came out of my appointment, it was all watery! What did you give me?

Employee: The fruit blast smoothies have ice cream and ice in them. Did you leave the drink in your car?

Customer: Yes. It shouldn’t have been watery after my appointment, though. Can I get a new one?

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Employee: Would you like a sugar cone or a cake cone?

Customer: Um, just a cone is fine.

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Customer: Can I get a medium cup of ice cream?

Employee: Our cups are measured by the number of scoops.

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Customer: If Baskin Robbins has 31 flavors of ice cream, how come there are only 27 flavors out right now?

Employee: Baskin Robbins actually has more than 31 flavors of ice cream…but good question.

Spring Break

(Tuesday = two doughnuts for 99 cents)

Customer: Does the two-doughnut deal apply to a dozen doughnuts?

Employee: No. The deal only applies to the first two doughnuts. It’d be pretty crazy if we applied that deal to every doughnut combination over two.

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Customer: You know how doughnuts that have been left out for a long time get soggy?

Employee: No, they actually get hard…stale.

Customer: Well, I called up here the other day and told them that my doughnuts were soggy, and the woman said I could get a free dozen.

Employee: All right.

(Customer leaves)

Other employee: That happened like two weeks ago! And she’s only coming in now?

Employee: I just don’t understand why she was complaining about FRESH doughnuts. Soggy doughnuts is a good sign. Hard doughnuts means they are stale.

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Customer: You should tell your store manager that the sour kreme munchkins should not have glaze on them. It defeats the purpose. The flavors do not mix well. And the sour kreme doughnuts are burnt.

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Mary, regular customer, walks in. She eats in the store every day. All the employees know her order because she is difficult and spends approximately 3 hours in the store.

Mary: Are you new here?

Employee: No. I have taken your order many times. I have actually worked here for 3 years, longer than any other employee. I have been working here since the store opened. I go to school full-time. I’m actually doing something with my life, rather than being at Dunkin Donuts every day.

Mary: So you know about the 4 percent milk? Long squirt and a short squirt?

Employee: Yes.

Mary: You did not wrap my bagel.

Employee: Don’t you eat it here? I set it on the tray because I know you eat it here. You will be eating it in 5 seconds…. Ok, let me wrap it.

(Mary leaves)

Other employee: Somebody her age should know that there is no such thing as 4 percent milk.

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Customer: Are you guys going out of business?

Employee: No, if we were going out of business, we would actually have TONS of doughnuts available to sell. We have virtually no doughnuts left, which means we have had a busy day.

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Customer: Munchkins? What are those?

Employee: They’re basically doughnut holes.

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Customer: Can you give me this sundae half-off because you all were out of hot fudge and strawberry topping?

Employee: I’ll give it to you free.

Customer: Well, I was already supposed to get it free because I have a coupon.

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Customer: What kinds of doughnuts do you have left?

Employee: Blueberry Cake, Marble Frosted, and Jelly.

Customer: Well, I’ll pull around, and you can show me what it looks like.

Employee: You won’t be able to see the doughnut case from the drive-thru window.

Customer: Well you can bring the doughnut to me, can’t you?

Employee: Yes, I suppose I can. Which one did you want me to show you? I named three.

Customer: That one that you just said.

Employee: Jelly?

Customer: No, the other one.

Employee: Marble Frosted?

Customer: Yeah, that one. Duh.

Employee: Yes, of course.

Nitpicky

Customer: I want 50 munchkins…2 sour kreme, 5 blueberry, 3 plain, 10 glazed…

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Customer: Can I have a box of Dunkin Dots?

Employee: They’re called munchkins.

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Customer: When is the best time to eat the doughnuts?

Employee: Probably right after they are made.

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Customer: Can I get The Dunkin Donut?

Employee: Which one is that? We have many flavors and kinds.

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Customer: Can I get the doughnut with glitter on it?

RANDOM

Random quote from my other job at Family Video:

Employee: This movie will be due back tomorrow by midnight.

Customer: Why tomorrow?

Employee: This yellow sticker that says ‘1 night rental’ means that the movie is only allowed to be rented out for one night. Would you like me to find you a 5-night rental?

Customer: What’s the difference?

Employee: One may only be rented for one night. The other one may be rented out for five nights.

Customer: Ok, yeah, get the 5-night rental.

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Customer: What does it take to get a membership?

Employee: It’s fast, free and easy. All I need is a photo ID and two valid phone numbers.

Customer: So you don’t know how much it costs?

What?

Employee: Thank you for choosing Dunkin Donuts and Baskin Robbins. How can we help you?

Customer: What? What did you say?

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Employee: Your total is $1.59.

Customer: Is my total $1.59?

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Customer: Can we get two bowls of cheese and broccoli soup?

Employee: Panera is up the road.

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Employee: Thank you for choosing Dunkin Donuts and Baskin Robbins. What can we get for you today?

Customer: Is this Dunkin Donuts AND Baskin Robbins?

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Customer: I want, um…I want, um…I want, um…I want, um…I want, um…

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Customer: Can I have a take-out menu, please?

Employee: We are a fast food place. We don’t have take-out menus.

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Customer: Wow, this is really hot.

Employee: It’s hot chocolate.

Wake up!

Customer: Are you sure that’s a medium cup?

Employee: Yes, this is our medium cup.

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Employee: What can I get for you today?

Customer: Can I get a cappuccino blast with a shot of espresso?

Employee: The cappuccino blast is made with ice cream.

Customer: But it says cappuccino in the name. Can you put espresso in it?

Employee: If you really want me to…

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Customer: I want an iced coffee latte.

Employee: Do you want an iced coffee or an iced latte?

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Employee: You want a combo #1? That’s two doughnuts and a coffee.

Customer: Oh, it comes with two doughnuts? I didn’t know that.

Employee: Did you want cream and sugar in the coffee?

Customer: Yes.

Employee: Ok, here you go.

Customer: Is this decaf?

Employee: No, I’ll make it again…….Here you go.

Customer: Is there sugar in this?

Employee: Yes, you said you wanted sugar.

Customer: No, I don’t want sugar.

Employee: Okay, I’ll make it AGAIN.

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Customer: This was supposed to be an iced coffee.

Employee: Ma’am, this is not your coffee.

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Customer: I want a small orange juice.

Employee: We have one standard size.

Customer: How many ounces? Like 10?

Employee: It’s 12 ounces.

Customer: Oh, well, never mind then.

Stay away from the sweets!

Employee: What can I get for you today?

Customer: One Bavarian cream doughnut and two lemon doughnuts.

Employee: Ok, so that’s three doughnuts.

Customer: No, one Bavarian cream and two lemon.

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Customer: Give me one of those Belgian doughnuts.

Employee: It’s Bavarian…

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Employee: What can I get for you today?

Customer: Can I get a chocolate frosted munchkie?

Employee: You mean a munchkin?

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Customer (over drive-thru speaker): Can I pull up to the window and give you my doughnut order?

Employee: I suppose so…it won’t do any good…

Need to eat breakfast

Customer (in drive-thru): Can I get two sausage and egg croissants to go?

Employee: And that’s why you’re in drive-thru!

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Customer: Can I get a fresh, made-today, lowfat blueberry muffin?

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Customer: Toast the bagel twice and don’t put it in a bag.

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Customer: What does a croissant bring?

Employee: Croissants are inanimate objects. They don’t bring anything…

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Customer: Can you cut my bagel in half? You know what I mean, right?

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Customer: Can I get a medium bagel?